Reflections

I’m still on bed rest. For anyone who hasn’t heard, while I was attending the Relief Society Broadcast, I experienced uncontrollable bleeding.  I’m on blood thinners during pregnancy and post-pregnancy due to a couple of blood clotting disorders, Factor V Leiden and MTHFR, with a history of low protein C.  Usually these aren’t an issue, EXCEPT for during pregnancy and/or surgery. Because of the blood thinners, bleeding is never a good thing with me. I’ve been told I can hemorrhage from something hardly bigger than a paper cut. I had snuck in a little late and was sitting near the door.  A friend from the ward, Maria, happened to arrive just after I did and sat next to me.  She told me she was ready to go on time, and wasn’t sure why she was late.  I am.  Without her, this whole ordeal would have been a miserable nightmare. I am forever grateful to her lateness that day.

Since I’m pregnant and have lost two babies before, the bleeding terrified me.  I was sure there was no way both babies could still be ok. Maria drove me to the ER, arranged for my car and my husband and son to be picked up and brought to me, and watched William until we were finished around midnight.  She cried with us, prayed with us, and was there when I needed someone most.  Thank you!

Tayler Price sent her husband to help give me a blessing at the hospital, since he wasn’t home watching kids. This month, he was assigned our home teacher---already going above and beyond. We are so grateful for them and their foresight.

A friend from the UCLA ward who lives about 20 miles away, Rebecca Bode, has been coming over once a week with her two cute girls in tow, bringing us dinners, entertainment, and spending hours cleaning our house. She has made a tradition of bringing rolls that have been the only thing I could eat on multiple occasions.

Cammie Larsen has been amazing company.  We’ve spent many hours watching Liam and Logan chase each other while she keeps me from going out of my mind with boredom. She’s brought lots of yummy treats and has not only done the dishes and watched Liam, she’s done it during times I know wouldn’t have been easy.

Scores of other friends called and visited, sent us facebook messages, kept us in their prayers and put our names in the temple, brought dinners, cleaned our house, and helped care for Liam. Steven’s aunt and uncle in Reseda even offered to take us in, my dad offered to come down (we turned him down since he’s on disability and can’t lift William), and my sweet mother-in-law, Karen, is scheduled to arrive on Saturday (missing her anniversary to help us out). Thank you to everyone.  We feel so blessed to have such good friends and family. Sometimes you don’t realize how much people like you---until something goes wrong.  I have been so amazed and impressed with the thoughtfulness and kindness of everyone. I feel so blessed and inspired to be that kind of person.

The twins are still doing well, as of our last ultrasound. Getting big and moving like crazy. We found out my bleeding was caused by (or created) a pool of blood near Baby A, which also made part of the amniotic sac begin to separate from the wall. I am on bed rest until that is healed. No lifting, walking, ANYTHING, other than going to the bathroom, eating meals, showering, and going to the doctor.  Obviously, Dr. Boyer knows this is impossible with a toddler, but that’s the ideal rest until we are sure I’m all healed. Hopefully, only a few more weeks and we’ll be back to our new “normal”.

I am hoping for good news tomorrow. Yesterday we “celebrated” one month of bedrest by cuddling and watching movies and picking up dinner from Vons’ deli. Steven has been amazing. As soon as he gets home, William yells, “shoes, shoes, out, out, go, go!” and rushes to go on a walk. Steven has done as good a job with the housework as you can imagine while working full time and caring for a toddler and 2 dogs.  Most days, I either can’t eat anything, or I have to eat only one thing.  He goes to the store with William as often as 3X/week to cater to my crazy pregnancy cravings.  Already, I’ve “needed” Navajo tacos, yogurt, whipped cream, pasta salad, pudding, chicken noodle soup, spaghetti, chicken tortilla soup, pot pies, chocolate milk, grape juice, tortellini, Indian food, and fried chicken.  I wish I weren’t so sick and was actually gaining weight, because then it wouldn’t matter so much.  But at this point, I have to eat whatever I can keep down. As of now, I have gained –1 lbs at nearly 15 weeks.  That’s right.  I weigh LESS than when I started.  With William, I had gained at least 5.

Since I’m stuck in bed, I’ve spent a lot of time reading, watching movies, or surfing the internet.  I’ve come across several things, that I think will definitely change the way I parent (when I actually get to be a full parent again, obviously) and the kind of person I want to be.  I want to be as amazing as all the people who have been so helpful to us, and I want to cherish every moment I can.  I visit teach a girl named Mollie (who is an AMAZING photographer, if anyone in SoCal needs one…molliejanephotographyblog.com) who posted this on facebook today. That woman is so strong, so courageous, awe-inspiring. I literally cried for an hour.  I was relieved when my sweet William came home (thanks for entertaining him, Lisa!) just so I could give him a hug and a kiss and hold him before bed.

At this point, I don’t know if we’ll be bringing home two babies next spring or not, but I am grateful to have them now. My heart breaks for anyone who loses a child. I have several friends who have lost young children in the past few years, and every time I feel for them.  What an awful experience to go through. I am going to try to learn what lessons I can from them now, in hopes that I won’t have to learn it the hard way. It’s been hard enough.

While have always cared about and appreciated the sweet lives I have helped create and love, bed rest has given me new strength to be a better mother, even if life does get a little crazy come next March…

I’ve decided to put an excerpt from this poem, entitled “"Song for a Fifth Child" by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton in the twins’ nursery. I think of it often, especially when I cuddle with my cute toddler or think of the two new ones about to change our lives.

"Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait til tomorrow

But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.