Yum, yum, yum!


One 6-month old, adorable*, blue-eyed baby boy for sale. Answers to the name of William.
Currently accepting all offers.
*Disclaimer: Refuses/cries during attempts to nurse to sleep/at bedtime, fusses during bedtime routine, wakes up after 30 minutes (sometimes going back to sleep quickly, sometimes not so much), wakes up to even small noises, refuses to nap for longer than 30 minutes anywhere other than home, cannot sleep without binky, completely disregards his prior nap schedule in favor of utter chaos, wakes up to eat and doesn’t go back to bed for hours and/or wants to start his day at 5-ish.
At least he’s cute. Hopefully, one day I’ll either find this funny, or at least a far-distant memory. I don’t even care if he sleeps through the night, as long as he would go back to sleep right after like he used to do and at least wake up consistently (oh, how I long for those old 6:45am days!). Until then, I miss my good sleeper (and my sleep).
10. No traffic (unless you are going to LA or the OC at certain times of the day)---and a 50 mph speed limit on the main roads---which means you can actually go the speed limit.
9. Frisbee Golf!
8. 1-4 hours closer to Utah (pending traffic)
7. Beautifully landscaped, tree-lined streets.
6. Minutes from the mountains (not that we've used it yet, but one day...)

5. Ward aerobics 3X/week, and loads of other RS activities to keep us busy
4. Walking distance to Steve's work, Target, and PetSmart. Which, on the downside, means we go there often, but it also means we can meet Steve for lunch.
3. Being able to afford a house
2. The fact that Steven has a job here (so I can stay home with our cutie pie)
1. Miles and miles (30+) of running trails, bike paths, parks, and par courses!

I NEVER thought I would ever say this, but even with all the great things about Rancho, I still miss LA. 1 hr away is sometimes just too far for the beach, the greatest food, and awesome friends.


Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma
Job Description
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Responsibilities
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
Possibility for Advancement and Promotion
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Previous Experience
Unfortunately, none required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and Compensation
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thingabout this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
Benefits
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

