Bar Blues

In case you are wondering where I have been, I have spent the last two months in the state of Columbia, at a place called Blackacre to be precise. There I have been dealing with all sorts of characters whose names usually start with the letters “P” and “D.” These crazy people like to run each other over (as well as commit a wide variety of other torts and crimes), that is, whenever they are not selling widgets. Oh, and I can’t forget Harry and Wanda, one of whom is always dying or else seeking a divorce.

That’s right; I’m studying for that California Bar exam where I will spend three days for six hours a day sorting these fictional characters’ problems out. Just in case you haven’t heard of it, the bar exam is a particularly sadistic procedure that lawyers have set up in order to limit their competition so that they can increase their fees. CA lawyers are especially sadistic (read greedy); adding an extra day, covering more substantive law, and doubling the length of the performance tests.

If I learn everything in all these books then I can pass for sure.

April has recently been circulating this picture with the false and misleading (a favorite word combination of lawyers) claim that Kiki studies more then I do.

What she failed to mention is that Kiki sleeps all day and this was like the one time she ever studied Barbri.

Well, I guess I had better get back to work…

Oh, but one more thing. Don’t you people taking the Utah bar and other two-day bars call me after day two and brag about how you’re all done. I’ll bite your heads off.

Phree Phish

Phish is giving away a free download of every song from last night's show in Hampton Virginia. It’s really good too. It’s kind of a repeat of their classic Hampton Comes Alive show from 1998.

You can get last night’s show here.

This is one of the reasons why Phish can sell out any show that they play. The fans come first. Giving away concert recordings doesn’t hurt ticket sales. It boosts them. It boosts album sales as well. If I get to hear last nights concert, how good they are right now, of course I’ll want to see them when they hit my town next week. But most bands can’t see this. They have a severe case of tunnel vision that forces them to try and get money out of every song they play. It doesn’t even occur to them that they should give anything away. What’s in it for them right now? Instead they should put the fans first. Give people what they want for free and they will come to your show, buy your CD, and get it on vinyl too.

I wish more bands would do this. The only problem is that they can only play their own songs. Otherwise they would have to pay the statutory mechanical royalty (currently 9.1 cents) for each track downloaded. So they can’t do Dark Side of The Moon. But who cares when you’ve got a catalog like Phish.

Reflections on Facial Hair

The other day my friend Kirill asked me why all the Mormons in the law school seem to have facial hair. My theory was that because they went to the oppressive BYU they now felt the need to throw off their Norelco shackles. I could be wrong. It may be a return to our 19th century roots (no pun intended).

Even though I never went to BYU I nevertheless tried my own little facial hair experiment about a year go. The problem is; the Garff genes are almost whisker free. My father came in last place in his high school beard growing contest (but at least we don’t go bald). But in spite of all of this I tried to grow my beard out while April was away for a few weeks on business. Unfortunately I can’t just put on my beard like my friend Josh (See YouTube of the week for my May 1 post). But I gave it my very best effort. My beard, if you can call it that, didn’t last long after April got back.

I can’t say I blame her. It was pretty pathetic. I certainly wouldn’t want to kiss this.

I guess I won’t be joining ZZ Top any time soon.

Ok hippies, you can put your chains away

Boy, am I relieved. I actually like this tree a lot. You can’t tell from the picture but it’s a giant eucalyptus. I walk past it every weekday and on some unhappy Saturdays too (I also walk past the spot where Reese Witherspoon got dumped in Legally Blonde). UCLA has some really cool trees and plenty of squirrels and even some possums to fill them. The school has a 3 out of 5 rating on The Campus Squirrel Listings http://www.gottshall.com/squirrels/campsq.htm. Quite frankly I had expected it to be a little higher. I mean I know we’ve got nothing on Berkley but to be out ranked by University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign! At least we got them beat in U.S. News and World Report.
I guess the reason for this sign is to stave off the massive protests that would likely plague the campus if people thought that the tree may not be fine. Personally my fears are not fully assuaged. Here’s a list of some other reassurance signs I would like to see around campus:

The guy tasered inside Powell Library is fine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyvrqcxNIFs

The conservatives on campus are fine (all three of them).

The 1L’s are fine. Well, maybe not. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qHEBABE6PU

The people who live near campus are fine because students can’t park in front of their houses

The Basketball team is fine. Football? Not so much

Can I Park Here?

I would really like to have a Urim and Thummim mostly so I can decode the parking signs here in L.A. I’m a law student so I would like to think that I’m able to interpret the complex phraseology and technical constructions that lawyers love so much. But these signs have me stumped. And it’s not as if I’m back in Salt Lake where I could park illegally with virtual impunity (except at the U of course). Here if you are parked improperly, “illegal” is so pejorative, for more than 2 minutes you will be caught. And you get no sympathy from the meter maids. Not that I blame them they run into a hundred people like me every day with some desperate sob story or well crafted excuse. That’s why what happened to me is so incredible. April, Katie, and I were at the beach in Santa Monica. We were about 30 seconds late getting back to the meter and so as Murphy’s Law would have it the parking guy was writing up a ticket at that very moment. And guess what, when I told him I must have just missed the expriation he said “don’t worry about it.” I still can’t believe it! I have polled my friends and no one has ever had that happen to them before. In L.A. parking fines are just something you come to expect like traffic, good weather, and smog.